


Maternity Leave Party

by Little_Firestar84



Category: Avengers (Comics), Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Spider-Woman (Comic)
Genre: Baby Shower, F/M, Miscarriage, Past Relationship(s), Pregnancy, Regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 09:59:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5452589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Firestar84/pseuds/Little_Firestar84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He puts on a mask, behaves like the jester people expects him to be, but his heart breaks a little bit more with each steps he takes closer to her- that, he knows, in another life, could have been his child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maternity Leave Party

**Author's Note:**

> Set during All New All Different Spider-Woman 1, with hints to West Coast Avengers Story-lines, Secret Invasions, New Avengers, and Hawkeye story-lines.

“Jessica Drew, you look marvelous… seriously, it’s kind of disgusting how great you look.”

You get closer and closer to her; it’s kind of weird- _all kinds_ of weird – Jess _is_ your ex (one of many, actually. And by the way- how many of them are here right now?),and anyway, what the hell is a maternity leave party supposed to be?You hope it’s not a pre-baby shower of sort. People is supposed to brings gifts to baby showers, and you didn’t bring any- and even if you did, Jess would have killed you. You like to get arrow-themed toys to the children you know (which are not a lot. And no- the cupid bow you got Kate for Christmas doesn’t count. It was a gag gift, after all), and apparently parents _don’t_ appreciate their children being raised loving archery, classical Robin Hood movies (no, Once Upon A time doesn’t count when it comes to Robin Hood) and, well, yourself (but Kate is acceptable, strangely enough).

The closer you get, the more…the strongest that hatful sensation in the pit of your stomach it gets. You clench your teeth, put on your bravest smile, and you do what you do best: you put on a show, a mask for everyone, the one they expect to see (the jester),deciding that you’ll fight your own demons later- there’s always time for self-destruction and auto-commiseration, after all, and besides, this is a pre-baby-shower party of sort. People is supposed to be happy. _Jess_ (aka the strong woman whose heart got broken because of you, even after she had begged you to be careful with it because she didn’t know if she could trust any man after everything she’s been gone through in her life) is supposed to be happy.

Meaning, you keep you trap shout. Sort of. Because you say,“You are friggin’ huge! Are you sure there aren’t twins in there?” _AND_ you don’t say what you would really like to say. You don’t ask – beg her, actually- for anything. Nor you voice your thoughts.

( _My daughter should have been around seven years old now. Have I ever told you about her? We lost her before we could even know if it was going to be a boy or a girl, but as soon as we learnt we were pregnant, I’ve always imagined it was going to be a little girl…I wonder if having her would have saved my marriage with Bobbi. Not that it was just because of the baby we broke up: the Skrulls kidnapping her also helped. Yes, I know they kidnapped you too, Jess._

Or,

_I’m not a complete idiot, contrary to common belief, and I can do the math, so I’ll not ask you if it’s mine (even if there’s a little part of me that wish time-travel and alternate versions of us are involved in the process) , but, out of curiosity, have you ever wonderedhow a child of us would have looked like? Because I did. And before you could say anything,you can’t put all the blame on dear old Miss Frost mental manipulation while we were prisoners of the X-Men on Utopia…_

Or, worse,

_Can I be a surrogate figure of sort?)_

This is a pre-baby shower party of sort, after all (or at least, that’s what you’ve come to guess), and people is supposed to be happy at this sort of things. _Jess_ (the one whose heart got broken because of you, even if she had begged you not to, not when she didn’t know if she could trust anyone after all she’s been gone through in her whole life) is supposed to be happy this fine evening, so you really, really keep your trap shout.

You touch her belly, with both hands and smirk, wondering if Carol, who has known you for as long as you remember, could see the truth, that your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, that it’s tainted by lost chances and regrets and missed opportunities. 

Maybe even Jess gets it, too, but you know that you linger on the delicate fabric covering her very pregnant belly for far too long. Or maybe not- she is probably annoyed for the mere fact that you touched her pregnant belly _at all,_ as everyone seems to want to touch the belly of a pregnant woman (without asking first).

(Had you been a better man, you could have been able to touch the _naked_ skin of her pregnant belly whenever you felt like.) 

You wonder if you should break the (embarrassing, painful) silence with a joke, or maybe dare to ask her about the father of her child (even if you know you’d end up as Tony, and thank God nor Carol nor Jess are having any alcohol, otherwise the former billionaire would be in alot of troubles and surrounded by temptation), but Carol breaks it for you, wondering out loud why she and Jess still keep hanging out with the likes of the Avengers (well, Tony, Parker, Dacosta and you, at least), and a look in her direction tells you everything you need to know.

She knows. 

(Or maybe she understands. The two of you are more similar than what you care to admit.) 

It could have been yours. Only, it’s not, because your darkened actions and self-destructive behavior destroyed everything that there could have been between the two of you. Nor you can change the past, and get back what you lost with Bobbi. 

(Not even time-travel would fix that.)

It’s not yours. And, as you don’t think you’ll never, ever be able to change (enough to love, enough to be loved, enough to be able to give out your love unconditionally to a little version of yourself _without_ screwing it up as you always do out of fear of being abandoned and rejected _again_ ) …

It never will be.

**Author's Note:**

> Let's be honest. Clint wasn't so much out of line: they drew her two months along with quite the pregnat belly, AND at five months too (also, her five-six months pregnant belly was the same as her eith months along belly...). So yeah, no-one would be surprised it she were to have twins...


End file.
